ULTIMATE CRACKFIC
by bloodwillnevermend
Summary: the ultimatlyest ultimate crackfic starring matt and mello! the two hottest boys on the face of the earth if you like action! if you like mental violation! if you like porn and dead kittens! read this today! i don't own death note!isn't that amazing!
1. mental violation

ULTIMATE CRACKFIC

ULTIMATE CRACKFIC

"I'MMM BORED" screamed mello into the rippling boredness

"well go fuck yourself" matt was pissed I mean like really pissed he could rival mello with his pissy ness and matts pissy ness would do mello up his anorexic ass… which gave matt an idea… but … enough about porn and dead kittens. Anyway back to the topic of why matt was pissed. Roger being the dead watari screwing (in the butt) dirty bitch pancake whore we was took away matts PSP because mello tried to shove it up his ass so matt would have to go after it. So they sat in their room, which was coated in doughnuts and silence and tried to fill the pathetic void that had erupted from their guts without their addictions… well mello still had his chocolate… for now plots.

As they approached the office of the man who had mentally violated them on several occasions they kinda… shat themselves… a little

"HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW" omg that was mello… how the crap can you hear me? Anyway…they proceeded and the lump in the back of their pants… and throats… grew larger… like mello's penis in the morning… but enough about dead kittens. Suddenly sephiroth popped out of no were

'DIIIIE CLOUD!!' he shouted at the top of his lungs

"piss off wrong anime" said matt

"fuck" and sephiroth disappeared in a cloud of shat smelling shat.

They opened the door… to find I half naked roger doing his attempt of being… seductive, shudder

'soooo" he said in a low voice "who wants to be mentally violated first?" he asked they could see near had already arrived and was rocking back and forth in the corner mumbling something to himself…. Something along the lines of

"must remove brain… must remove brain… but then the voices will die… don't want the voices to die… the voices are my friends… mustn't remove brain… must… bleach brain… yesss……' and so on mello stared at him he stared a stare of a deeply disturbed child who had seen something he shouldn't … like when little kids see their mom making out with Santa… then go to tell their daddy's and their daddy's have to explain that Santa doesn't exist… and the children are disturbed for the rest of their lives… and that is why we should believe in Santa for the whole of our lives… but enough about dead kittens.

"OKAY that fucker belongs in a mental institute… and fuck your mental raping your going down" he aimed his gun at roger and pulled the trigger and then roger was dead and it was funny. So they went about their day and nothing of interest happened


	2. falling from the sky

ULTIMATE CRACKFIC:

**ULTIMATE CRACKFIC:**

**Falling from the sky**

So it was a sunny day… on wait… fuck… oh fuck you… go fuckity fuck fuc fuck fuck fjodiugfqjhvkejbwldkjahklrg… sorry I have hand turrets

So it was a sunny day when penises started falling from the sky L looked on in amazement and went out to grab one and keep it as a dildo… but enough about candy corn. And so matt and mello saw the commotion and went out to see L fucking himself up the ass… waddaya know … it is possible xD

"DA FUCK IS WRONG WIT CHU BITCH?!" mello yelled out L only cummed all over his face and collapsed on the ground with glee so as revenge mello got out his gun and shot L in the face

"THAT'S FOR THE CUM BITC!! Wow… its tastes like chocolate…… yuuuummmmmmm" and mello stated sucking L's dead cock

This made matt jealous so he hit L for stealing his fuck buddy then mello saw his fuck buddy was upset and went of with him some were… and it was good.

Okay we really got to lay off the sex… this isn't a pornfic… it's a crackfic… so on with the story

Random escapades are fun… have you noticed that?... well mat and mello did… so they went on a random escapade and it was all good until a giant kitten popped out of nowhere… but enough about candy corn. So they fought the giant kitten until it pee'd all over them and the pee tasted like candy corn… but enough about candy corn. Anyway when they got back they rook had lots of chocolate and PSP'S taped to the walls so they went to find out who has sent it to them so they went to L but he only tried to cut their internal organs out so they went to roger who was still dead… but somehow fucking watari still so they went to near and near was on top of L who was also still dead with a massive hole in his face… and near was screwing L through his penis hole… yes… that's how small nears penis is …. If he even has one. So they couldn't find out who sent them the gift because the7 were too lazy so mello just ate all the chocolate and matt got all the PSP's down and sold them all except one on the black market and bought lots of new games and lots of chocolate for mello and mello liked it so much that he kissed matt and they ended up sexing a lot and it was good… then nothing of interest happened for the rest of the day… but enough about candy corn


End file.
